The Art of Letting Go
Having control over everything I put in my mouth made me feel safe. I wasn't under-eating by any means... quite the opposite! I loved to eat and was, thankfully, able to eat a lot at the time. I often started my day with a giant stack of French Toast or pancakes, and still had visible abs. As long as I prepared them and knew how to account for them, it was smooth sailing. Eating foods I didn't prepare and wasn't exactly sure how to track gave me a sense of unease that was sometimes as strong as anxiety. My mind would start to wander off to the next morning and what number would be on the scale or what I would look like in the mirror... would I still be able to see all 6 abs?! Those wandering thoughts stole me away from the present moment as I obsessively stressed about what the near future would hold for the body I'd worked so hard to perfect. My chest would get tight, I would become irritable, and it was nearly impossible to enjoy the meal that was my source of obsess...