New Year, True You!

As the plane descended into Nashville close to sunset on Tuesday evening (pictured above), I took a deep inhale and slowly exhaled as I took in the beauty of the second sunset of 2024. These days, it feels easy and amazing to breathe, as I'm feeling less pressure and fewer expectations than I've ever felt in my life. This new way of being also includes no New Year's Resolutions, other than to be as present as possible for each moment of this new year.

While we were away, visiting Stephanie's friends and family in Pittsburgh for the holidays, we had dinner one evening with a few of Stephanie's friends and former soccer teammates from college. They were all talking about how years they're still so competitive in so many aspects of life. They asked me how I used to be such a competitive person too, and what changed -- how do I now let things go so easily and just... not care?

I told them what I'll share with you. I used to struggle with being a perfectionist, negative self talk, people pleasing, and what other people thought of me -- all of that internal conflict fueled my competitiveness and often willed me to win and achieve.

As I've shared before, a series of life crises in 2017-2018 broke me wide open and sent me on a deep, soul level healing journey. Since then, I've been devoted to my healing path, which includes a lot of introspection, self love, and being super intentional about living in the present moment. As I told Steph's friends, as I continue to show up for myself, healing and doing consistent inner "work" (I don't love calling it "work", because I'm not a project that needs to be worked on... it's all about self-love. If you have a better phrase, let me know!), those old patterns that both helped me achieve so much but also caused so much suffering and misery slowly began to fade away. It was like I was shedding old skin, a protective layer that had once served me, but that I no longer needed as I continue to connect more and more deeply with who I truly am.

I still exercise, I still enjoy playing games, I really enjoy my work and and owning my own business, but things that used to eat me alive from the inside no longer phase me. I don't care about being the best. I don't care when other people beat me in workouts (in fact, I rarely notice). I don't mind losing. I no longer find myself comparing myself to anyone.

So much of this freedom has come from being intentional about being present. When I'm fully invested in this present moment, it's nearly impossible to dwell on past mistakes or worry about what trouble tomorrow might hold.

These changes didn't happen overnight, and every now and then, I catch myself slipping back into old patterns, but unlike the old me, I don't beat myself up over it anymore. I just notice. And it's really in the noticing where transformation and true healing occurs.

I'm a big fan of the Enneagram, and I receive their daily emails with the "thought of the day". One they repeat every so often is, "awareness is vitally important in the work of transformation because the habits of our personality let go most completely when we see them as they're occurring."

Gaining and expanding awareness isn't as elusive as it might seem. It all comes back to taking the time to be more present. There are SO many ways in which we can practice being present. Mindfulness practices are excellent, but they're not the only way. If meditation or breath work isn't your cup of tea, you can find just as much peace and presence by enjoying your morning cup of coffee or tea in complete stillness and quiet. You can find it by spending time alone out in nature. You can enjoy it by disconnecting from electronics for a little while each day. You can find it by tuning into your body and engaging all of your senses more frequently -- what do you see, hear, smell, taste, feel in this moment? These days, I enjoy waking up and spending the first 10 minutes of my day just sitting. There's no phone, no distractions, just me and my breath. It sets the tone for my day -- one of peace and calm. It sends me the message that I'm worthy of taking that time for myself, and this helps self love flow more freely. It helps me regulate my nervous system and carry that stillness and internal sense of calm throughout my day.

Whatever helps you stay more present, I encourage you to do it, and do it often. More time in the present doesn't just help us transform and shed old patterns that no longer serve us, it can change every aspect of our lives. When we're more present, we connect with our loved ones more deeply and more intimately. We have more clarity. We have more focus. We can catch our breath. We worry less and enjoy more. We make incredible memories. We get to enjoy life more deeply.

So in this new year, I encourage you to put your phone down and leave it behind as much as you can. Turn off the TV. Shut the computer. Turn down the volume on the distractions, and see what happens as you open up your senses and really lean into the present moment. The True You lives in the present, and I think you will find that life changes for the better, in so many ways, when you allow yourself to fully live in the here and now.