Your Invitation to Rage

 

A few weeks ago, I was talking to one of my mentors about some of the tougher things I’ve been through in life. At one point she paused and asked, “Do you ever rage?” I responded with something along the lines of “huh?”.

 

“Yeah,” she said, “do you ever get really angry and just allow yourself to let it out and rage? Smash plates, scream into a pillow, etc.?” I laughed and responded, “Of course not.”

 

She also knows this about me: I was raised by a mom and grandmother who were true Southern ladies. Growing up I wasn’t allowed (or was strongly encouraged not to) raise my voice, disagree, or even have an unpleasant look on my face out in public. My mom and grandmother wanted me to act like a lady, and anything considered unladylike was met with a stern, “Laura Lee, that’s not polite.” Considering the way I was raised and conditioned, raging was out of the question.

 

Teaching clients how to develop a better relationship with their emotions is a fundamental part of my coaching practice. And part of cultivating a better relationship with emotions is allowing ourselves to experience them and express them. Personally, I’ve come a long way in my relationship with my emotions (heck, I developed a practice for it!), but for me, with this particular emotion, it’s easier said than done. I’ve had to undo a lot of conditioning to allow myself to intentionally practice feeling and expressing anger.

 

Knowing what I know about emotions and energy, I also understand the many reasons why it’s so important to experience and express our emotions regularly and in a healthy way. Going through all of them is a blog post for another day, but one big reason is because unexpressed, unprocessed emotions can become stored in the physical body, and that can manifest in all kinds of ways. I’m sure that’s one reason my mentor encouraged me to rage in the first place.

 

Ever since we talked, I’d been thinking about when and where would be an appropriate time and place to rage as instructed (there’s that lady-like conditioning again!). Ultimately, I decided to get the most out of it, the raging had to be spontaneous to be authentic. It wasn’t something I wanted to plan for… I needed to wait to be triggered.

 

A few weeks later, my moment came. I had been out to my car to grab an old pair of Uggs, and when I opened up my trunk, they weren't there. I knew with certainty, that was the last place I’d left them, and poof! They were gone. Just to be sure, I looked all over the house and through my car, but with no luck. As the day passed, it sunk in that they were really gone.

 

Now these Ugg boots were close to 10 years old. They’re comfy as hell, and I sure do love wearing them anywhere I can all winter long, but that’s not why I was upset. I was upset because they were a gift from my mom. I’ve noticed I have some sentimental attachment to special things my mom gave me, and losing those things feels like losing a small part of her.

 

It's only been 2.5 years since she passed away, and I know there is more grieving to do and some unresolved anger around losing her. A lot of that bubbled up to the surface on the day I lost my Uggs. I felt tears welling up in my eyes, a fire in my chest, so I decided why not just let it all out.

 

I went into my office and just punched, punched, punched a pillow as hard as I could, over and over again, until I was exhausted. I mean, I beat the sh*t out of this pillow. I’m sure I looked like a maniac, but I didn’t care. I felt the anger move through me until it was fully released, and I know that has to be better for me (mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually) than bottling everything up. After the last punch, I curled up on the bed and cried.

 

The next day, I was more sore than I can ever remember being from any CrossFit workout. In fact, it took me a minute to realize why my neck, shoulders and upper back were in so much pain! Then it hit me – the rage! Allowing myself to rage helped me move some BIG energy, and it was a powerful shift!

 

Expressing it wasn’t the easiest thing I’ve done. I felt awkward and a little crazy, but it was totally worth it. It was energy and emotion that needed to move. I just needed to give myself the space to do so. And for anyone who was worried about the Uggs, I found them a few days later ;)

 

If you’re holding onto anger, resentment, or any other feeling that causes a fire to burn in your chest, consider giving yourself the opportunity to rage the next time you feel triggered. For me, I needed someone to give me permission. If you’ve also been waiting for the invitation, here’s your permission to rage!