The Mother of All Healing

 This month I wanted to share a book, a concept, a movement that has deeply impacted both my own healing journey and the focus of my work as a healer. I suspect Bethany Webster's Discovering the Inner Mother has the ability to transform the lives of every daughter on this planet. Here's why...

Do any of the following feel familiar or resonate with you?

• Feeling less-than
• Feeling powerless
• Self-sabotage when you get close to a breakthrough
• Avoidance of difficult emotions
• Numbing out (through substances, shopping, social media, etc.)
• Fears of being destabilized by emotions if you allow yourself to feel them
• Comparing yourself to others
• Feeling competitive with and jealous of other women
• Double binds ("Be smart, but not too smart. Be sexy, but not too sexy")
• Overworking, burnout, exhaustion
• Repeating patterns that don't ever feel like they get resolved
• Repeating loops of negative self talk
• Large contrast between the outer life you portray and the reality of your inner life
• Feeling like there's something wrong with you
• Feeling like you can't be "real"; having to put on a happy face
• A feeling of being stuck, paralyzed, unable to make changes
• Loneliness, disconnection in your relationships, depression
• Feeling selfish for putting yourself first
• Feeling the need to dominate others
• Rigidity and perfectionism
• Avoidance of long-term relationships
• Continually attracting the same type of partner, friend, who ends up mistreating you
• Equating being a "good person" with putting yourself last
• Over-functioning and emotional caretaking of other people
• Codependency and "merging" with other people
• Harshness, lack of compassion for yourself
• Never feeling good enough
• Approval seeking; any kind of rejection feels crushing
• People-pleasing
• Fear of being alone
• Difficulty setting boundaries
• Analysis paralysis when you need to take action
• Addictions, anxiety, eating disorders

Yes, this is a long list. But I don't think there's a woman out there (at least one who I know) who hasn't struggled with at least one item on this list. I know I've personally struggled with many of these things. Everything on this list has one thing in common: they are all symptoms or manifestations of The Mother Wound.

So what is the Mother Wound? Webster describes it as the pain related to our mothers and the beliefs about ourselves that originated from that primary relationship. It's about what we deeply needed as children -- love, safety, belonging-- but on some level did not receive.

It is important to note that the Mother Wound exists on a wide spectrum from person to person, and it's not about blaming our mothers. The Mother Wound exists and is perpetuated from generation to generation for a number of reasons. It is most definitely a generational wound that has been unconsciously passed on, and our culture (yes, the patriarchal culture we still live in) is a major factor in the perpetuation of the Mother Wound. Think about the struggle of wanting to live authentically in a world that tells us we as women are inferior -- that we shouldn't rock the boat, that we should put others before ourselves (and it's admirable to do so), that we should be quiet and smile, that we should aim to please. It's a struggle that has endured for centuries, and 99% of the time has forced women to choose compliance and belonging over their own authenticity. And this is why the wound is passed on throughout generations.

So again, it's not about blaming our mothers. It's about bringing awareness to and acknowledging why the wound exists and how it's passed on, then consciously choosing to empower ourselves to be the ones to stop it and break the cycle.

This book isn't just about where the Mother Wound originates, how it's been passed on, and how it affects us. Webster also teaches, in detail, about how we heal from the wound...

And why is healing this wound so important? Well, go back to the list, see how many of those items resonated with you. Think about how those symptoms have impacted your life, and now imagine what life would be like without those struggles. My hunch is that if you found yourself free from those struggles, healed from those wounds, you would be living as the most empowered, authentic version of yourself. Now that is pretty damn freeing.

If it sounds too good to be true, you'll have to trust me when I say it's not. It's possible for all of us. And Webster guides you through the process of how you can heal and find that empowered freedom on the other side. It's not easy work, and it's ideal to have a support system as you do the work. But I believe the most powerful aspect of this book and of this healing work is learning that everything you need to heal, everything that will make you feel complete and whole is all within you, and it's already within you, waiting for you when you're ready to take the leap.

When it comes to healing the Mother Wound, Webster says it best: "ultimately, healing the mother wound is not about our mothers. It’s about women embracing ourselves and our gifts without shame. It’s about expanding our capacity for holding and transforming emotional pain into consciousness. It’s about restoring an ancient imbalance created by patriarchy. No longer do we feel ourselves to be abandoned children, projecting our unconscious pain all around us. Healing our mother wound allows us to become the loving witness to the beloved child within, and to embody the benevolent feminine consciousness that has been lying dormant within many of us. Intergenerational healing requires that we earn how to embody the very things we never received, to be the loving presence that we longed for ourselves, the unconditional, benevolent presence that’s there no matter what. To realize that within us we have an untapped reservoir of support with which we can link at any time. We become not only the holder but the held, the longing and the longed-for, a collective vessel for something new and unprecedented to be born into this world."

If you are tired of the struggle, if you're tired of dealing with the same pain over and over, if you're tired of suffering and feel ready to heal and to step into a more empowered, authentic version of yourself, then I highly recommend picking up a copy of this book. I promise you will not regret it.